14 lessons from how to win friends and influence people

14 lessons from how to win friends and influence people

How can an adult make friends? How can you win folks over? This blog “14 lessons from how to win friends and influence people” will guide you.

Making acquaintances and connections with people who are not your coworkers gets harder once you graduate from college. But a large part of success is about cultivating a network and forming relationships with individuals in your business, which requires winning people over. But how can an adult make friends? How to win friends ?How to influence people? How can you win folks over? Although making small conversation may feel like a personal process, there are general strategies you may employ.

From Dale Carnegie’s book, How to Win Friends and Influence People 14 lesson extracted, is revered by businessmen like Warren Buffet, and its advice has proven enduring. The fundamentals of this book are timeless in the greatest sense of the word, and they still hold true today. These guidelines don’t center on fads or trends; rather, they’re the fundamentals of social intelligence and how developing positive social skills may enhance your life. The following list of the top 14 lessons from Carnegie’s How To Win Friends And Influence People is provided.

1 Avoid criticism

"When dealing with people, keep in mind that you are dealing with creatures of feeling, who are driven by pride and ego, rather than beings of rationality."
    -Carnegie, Dale-

Nobody enjoys being attacked or sensing an attack coming on. It is one of the most typical causes of divorce, according to research.

Someone will feel as though they are being attacked if you criticize them or complain about them.

Avoid criticism
Avoid criticism

This will make them turn against you.

Instead of criticizing, try to empathize, forgive, and understand why others act the way they do.

2 Express sincere gratitude that is genuine

What is the common desire?

Everyone wants to feel valued and respected. Someone will adore you if you can make them feel this way.

3 Make the other person want something eagerly

“The deepest desire in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”  
    -William James-

Avoid carrying out this deception. They’ll be able to see right through it. When interacting with other people, focus on the good. Ask yourself, “What is there to admire about this person?” on a regular basis. When you’ve found it out, inform them in an open and sincere manner. Everyone desires admiration.

This actually just involves learning a thankfulness practice that you may do every time you meet someone for those who find gratitude to be helpful.

“It is true you are interested in what you want. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: interested in what we want.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             -Carnegie, Dale- 

Others are interested in what matters to us just as we are interested in what matters to us.

Everybody has various desires. Each of us has our own viewpoint.

To persuade others, you must first understand what drives their motivations, and then demonstrate how your strategy or concept will help them achieve their goals by viewing the world from their perspective.

They will be happy to collaborate with you if you can blend their desires with your own.

4 Discuss the interests of the other person.

“The best and easy road to a person’s heart is to talk about the things they treasure the most.”
   -Theodore Roosevelt-

Prioritize discussing the topic that the other person is interested in.

People will feel appreciated and important if you speak with them about their interests. They’ll like talking to each other.

Ask folks to talk about themselves and their past accomplishments if you’re unsure. Both of these topics are very dear to their hearts!

You can discuss your interests, but don’t monopolize the discussion or start it out with them.

When presenting a concept, this is essentially the interpersonal version of understanding your audience. Reach out to your audience in a way that speaks to their needs and wants.

Show interest in others interest
Show interest in others interest

5 Names to Remember

The average person is more interested in their name than in all the other names on earth put together.” 
   -Dale Carnegie-

Prioritize discussing the topic that the other person is interested in.

One of the main things that distinguishes you from other people is your name.

By keeping in mind their names, other people will feel acknowledged and remembered (important in short). Make an effort to keep people’s names in mind and to utilize them.

6 show genuine interest in other people.

The average person is more interested in their name than in all the other names on earth put together.”   
 - Dale Carnegie-

Humans are fundamentally reciprocal beings.

People who show interest in us are interesting to us. People who like us tend to be liked by us.

When you smile, listen intently, and welcome someone with enthusiasm, you’re letting them know you like them.

It’s likely that they’ll feel the same way about you.

7 Prevent Disputes

“If you argue and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes; but it will be an empty victory because you will never get your opponent’s goodwill.”                                     
 - Benjamin Franklin-

Arguments are impossible to win, therefore avoid them at all costs.

In the long term, you have lost,even if you think you’ve won since the other person agreed with your viewpoint.


You’ve probably damaged the other person’s pride and made them feel inferior. You have thereby forfeited their goodwill. In the long run, you have lost.

When possible, stay away from conflicts.

8 Be An Effective Listener

Strong listeners are the foundation of good conversational skills. Human interactions depend on being able to listen effectively.

People will like conversing with you if you exhibit a real interest in them, ask them questions that demonstrate your interest in them, and pay close attention to their responses.

People are more concerned with their own needs, desires, and issues.

Effective listening tips
Effective listening tips

You might convey that you share their importance by demonstrating genuine interest in them.

People who like us tend to be liked by us. If you want to become effective listener these tips are for you.

9. Be Quick To Admit Your Mistakes

Nothing but being modest and reasonable enough to own your own errors will make people less defensive and more amenable. You must accept responsibility for your actions, especially your mistakes, if you want to maintain healthy and stable connections in both your personal and professional life. Nothing will ease tension or a dispute faster than your prompt acknowledgment and apologies.

10. Start on an equal footing

When arguing with someone, you start on an equal footing and work your way up to the contentious issues. You won’t be able to recoup from polarizing territory, and you risk losing ground with topics you already agree on.

11. Make People Think That Your Conclusion Is Their Own

People cannot be made to believe anything, and those who are persuasive are aware of the superiority of suggestion over demand. Instead of telling someone they’re wrong, learn to plant the seed and persuade them that what they actually want is what you want to happen by finding common ground .

12. Smile

A grin conveys the message “I like you,” and actions speak louder than words. You provide me joy. I’m happy to see you.

If you want people to like meeting you, you must enjoy meeting them first.

Make an effort to smile. If you’re by yourself, make an effort to whistle, hum, or sing. Acting as though you are already joyful will usually make you joyful.

Mind your own business. Happiness is a result of internal factors, not external ones. You are not happy or sad because of what you have, who you are, where you are, or what you are doing. It is what you perceive it to be. Shakespeare had the last word:

   “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

Your grin spreads positivity and makes everyone you come in contact with happier. Your smile is like the light breaking through the clouds to someone who has witnessed a dozen individuals grimace, frown, or turn their faces away.

13. Be respectful of other people’s viewpoints, never tell someone they’re incorrect.

Give respect get respect
Give respect get respect

By telling someone they are mistaken, you are directly insulting their pride, intelligence, and self-respect. They won’t ever want to agree with you, and you won’t be able to persuade them to change their beliefs.

Never reveal what you are intending to prove to anyone. Keep it subtle. Galileo noted:

“You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.”

Say, “Well, now, see,” when someone says something that you know is inaccurate. I may be mistaken, notwithstanding my contrary belief. I am quite often .And I want to be corrected if I’m mistaken. Let’s look at the evidence.

14. Start off with a friendly attitude.

Make a person believe you are his true buddy before you can persuade him to support your cause. More readily than all the bluster and storming in the world, a friendly approach and expression of gratitude can persuade individuals to change their beliefs.

Remember the words of Lincoln: ‘A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.’
Friendly attitude
Friendly attitude

Is this a moral act?

The answer is that it depends, as with many other things.

It is quite acceptable to want someone to like you so that life would be simpler and more enjoyable for both of you.

A fundamental human need and a component of civilization is friendship.

The aforementioned guidelines aren’t creepy or unethical as long as you follow them honestly and don’t try to trick or control someone.

There is unquestionably a problem if you use them to try to win someone over to your side for a cause that isn’t in their best interests.


This timeless text has some excellent guidance that we should all definitely apply more frequently.

Pick one of the above mentioned tips and use it the next time you meet someone new.

Consider how the conversation went afterward.

I’ll wager that it will go smoothly.

Also our previous blogs are about student life .Check them out.

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